Children learn a lot from the words and actions of their parents. If we are not careful, children are like sponges. They absorb all what we do and say. They are natural mimics and act like their parents. This is because parents are the most influential guides in the lives of their children. When it comes to relationship, children model their social behaviors and traits after their parents. Many of us, as parents, will see our mannerisms and phrases being emulated and used by our children, but we are more than role models for mannerisms and phrases. We are role models of our children for crucial and important aspects of life: moral and work ethics, intimate relationships, friendships, domestic skills, communication, and problem-solving skills. A parent is often more than a hundred schoolmasters.
However, children also learn unwanted lessons from their parents. Parents are not often aware that lessons that they usually do not want their children to learn about life are being taught when parents themselves become irresponsible and unfaithful parents. For example, there was a single Eritrean mother with three children - two teenage daughters and a young son. The father has not been around to be a parent and to give proper guidance to his children. After her divorce, the mother raised her children all by herself, but, in the course of raising her children, she had affairs with various men coming to her home at their pleasure. The mother was not careful about her affairs and it was very obvious and conspicuous to be observed by her children. Her first daughter learned and emulated her mother's affairs and started sexual activities when she was thirteen and got pregnant when she was fourteen. Her second daughter followed the footsteps of her sister and got pregnant when she was fifteen. These children who became instant mothers are not married and they don't even know exactly the fathers of their children. They have to drop out of school to support themselves and their children. Obviously, they survived very much on welfare and working odd jobs. The daughters were asked why they made such unwise choices. They said that they learned the unwanted lesson, watching their mother. We need to understand that children, whose parents are experiencing marital crisis, feel conflicting emotions - guilt, confusion, loneliness, sadness, fear, worry, abandonment, and many other excruciating feelings. When young girls are losing the security base of a strong marriage from their parents, they are bombarded with pain and they fall in the same trap as their mothers. The girls took the wrong route because they did not get their parents' love, consoling, and guidance.
Likewise, there was a young Eritrean boy who was involved in drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. He has even tried substance use (doing drugs) by hiding in his bedroom when he was at home, or outside in the jungle with the wrong crowd. He thought it was fun to get drunk and cool to smoke cigarettes until he became addicted to the substance. It became hard for him to cope up with the expenses for his addiction. He started to steal instant cash from his mother's purse and father's wallet. One day his father caught him smoking cigarettes and drinking beer in his bedroom. His father got crazy and yelled at him because he never expected his son to do such things. He asked him where he learned about drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. He told to his father that he learned everything from watching him because his father always smokes cigarettes and drinks hard liquors in the house in front of his children. We have to be aware that our children need love and care, not neglecting, especially when they do not deserve it. This is the opportune time when children need their parents' support by being a good role model.
Every time we look at our children, we hope and pray that we are making a difference for them to become healthy and successful adults. Research is showing that teenagers, for example, report that the most influential people in their lives are not peers, teachers, or coaches. The most influential people are their parents. It turns out that this research is revealing that parents can have a much greater impact than many of us ever imagined, and that what we do as parents can directly impact our children's behavior, academic success, and the choices they make for their lives. Sometimes parents have become so convinced that educators know what is best for their children that they forget that they themselves are really the experts in parenting. Parents do not necessarily need to acquire a degree in psychology or sociology in order to do good parenting. It is obvious that training in parental skill would be helpful, but the best news is that the most positive results of parenting come from good, old, commonsense parenting, inherited from our parents. Sometimes we are so concerned about giving our children some material things what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we inherited from our parents and the priceless social values we did have, growing up. Our children will not remember us for the material things we provided, but for the love and feeling that we cherished them.
It is evident that simply being home and spending quality time with our children has been shown to have enormous impact. There is only one lasting bequest we can hope to give our children and that is quality time. The best gift or inheritance parents can give to their children is a few minutes of their time, each day. The best thing to spend on our children is our quality time, so that we can give them the proper parental guidance. If we are too busy to spend time with our children, then we have really a serious problem with our children. It has become evident through research that teenagers whose parents are physically present at home in the morning, after school, in the evening dinner, and at bedtime are less likely to get into trouble with alcohol, drugs, sex, and tobacco and are more likely to do better, academically, in school. Likewise, participating in various activities in the viable Eritrean communities can bring children together and allow them to know a lot about themselves, their ethnic identity, and family heritage.
We should always be aware that getting children involved in activities, in our own communities, is more than just fun, more than just keeping them busy. Research now confirms that children who take part in social activities and sports sponsored by communities are more likely to get good grades, and when they become teenagers, are less likely to experiment with sex. Likewise, knowing your own and understanding other religions is equally, if not more, important in the lives of children. Parents who see to it that their children have a good concept of religion, moral and ethnic identity, and to make them participate in harmonious religious observances and community activities produce a protective shield for their children, especially when it comes to academics, substance abuse, and sexual activity. It is evident that while we try to teach our children all about life, our children can also teach us what life is all about.
Parenting is often confusing. Raising children in today's world can be exciting, terrifying, rewarding and disappointing, all at the same time because as parents we are struck by the complexity of our society and diversity of our internal and external influences. Substance abuse, school failure, negative peer influences, alienation from their community, indiscriminant sexual behaviors, gang activity and school violence are just a few of the risks awaiting our children. It is obvious that risk and protective factors may vary considerably, according to the children's ages, psychological development, ethnic and cultural identity and environment. However, these factors tend to apply to the vast majority of our children. Are there things we can do to help buffer or protect our children from these risks? The most significant factor contributing to the ability of our children to protect them against the risks of our society is a strong relationship they build with their caring parents who provide a nurturing environment early and consistently. In addition to parental and other family member's love and care, this is the opportune time when concerned Eritrean communities play in an important and mentoring role to make a real difference in the lives of our children.
Communication is usually the key to keeping our children safe. The most important thing we can do to keep our children safe is to keep wide open the lines of communication with our children. We need to ask questions, listen to our children and encourage them to be open with us under any situation. Let them know that we will trust them and we will be around if they need our help. If we want to help our children feel good about them, we need to feel comfortable with ourselves in order to ensure what we want our children to mimic about our traits and behaviors. Our children will pick up important messages about self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect from the way we present and put ourselves together. Our children want to hold on to something formidable and reliable and that is the family. We must be the mighty rock to hold on for their protection and the fortress to rely on for their safety. As Eritrean communities, let us collectively put our minds and efforts together and see what life we all together can build for our children. We need to remember that our children are now the great majority of our population and all of our future. If we fail now to guide and prepare them as prominent Eritreans, we will not have them as Eritreans for the future.